John versus World

Gender differences can be both biologically imposed as well as cultural. It is biological that boys and girls get rid of liquid wastes through slightly different means. For an example see German adult films and or Brazilian entertainment involving cups and women. Think of it as natures way of either drinking milk direct from the carton/jug versus pouring it into a glass. I'm not about to debate which one represents which sex, that would be silly. No, I want to dive into a much more serious matter: Sitting down.

In the beginning, we all begin our potty training sitting down. Sometimes with a copy of the Times or Wall Street Journal perhaps. A Playbaby for the depraved. HotRod mags if you live in the South. Regardless, your touche is touching the throne ten out of ten times when you';re a tyke. Not that i remember this during my youth, but I have seen a plethora of visual aids. The point is, all potty is created equal, at least in the beginning.

Then something takes over. Girls remain seated, as if they are passengers on a potty plane flying nonstop from Kalamazoo to the Camode and the captain will not, under any circumstances, turn off the seat belt sign. "Please remain seated for the duration of your time in the toilet..."
Gents on the other hand are expected to stand up and let it rain. This of course is despite the incessant protest of the female species as they never fail to remind all those equipped with caveman creating chromosomes aren't exactly dead-eyed when it comes to disposing of the pee pee. Although ridiculed and tested, not just by the nagging but also by cutesy sayings such as, "if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat," it does not stop boys from being trained to drain in the upright position.
Interestingly enough, it is not a natural requirement for such drainage to take place. Why any old fool, man, boy, or drummer for Def Leopard can rid himself of any poisons while seated. But they choose not to. Usually. Why?
The answer is as simple as the mind that conceived it: Manliness. A man on a macho trip juiced with testosterone, adrenaline pumping wildly shook his fists in the air and said, "I'm not a woman, her me roar, listen to my mighty stream of water!" And everyone knows that you can't roar whilst sitting down so he stood up and bam, the invention of dudes standing to pee was thus invented. Er, created. Um...happened.
And it caught on because all the other guys didn't want to be like those women, sitting down, all weak and unable to see what is happening below. Much like a disaster photographer, showing up after the devastation has occurred and taking it all in but never witnessing the chaos that lead to the ruin. Soon it spread. And spread until it became the first step to becoming a Man. You have to go fishing and play baseball and kill something and eat a taco with hot sauce way over your reading level and take the ensuing comprehension test without missing more than three questions. But as you noticed, these are all cultural barriers.
Moreover, I dare say that sitting down to wee is far more tougher, more manlier, more ballsy (regardless of innate equipment) than standing up. This is no assertion based on a counter culture loathing for tradition. No medical evidence from a tv news doctor corespondent. No gut feeling. Just a simple fact. One.
Toilets are germ palaces. I'll wager that at times your toilet has more of your pubic hair than you do. Smells worse than you do. No matter how hard you scrub, no matter the make up, heck, you could put fresh paint on some spots and it wouldn't matter, your toilet or a toilet is an eye sore. It's gross. Moldy. Rotten. Squeaky seat. Cold seat, Death trap.
Two words: bus, station. Two more words: truck, stop.
Would you eat off of a toilet seat? Not a biscuit for five dollars and a chance to star in an internet dating show. I mean have a lovely even meal by the water front. Flush away your tears and your sorrows. No. You wouldn't. Ever. And yet, you mock the gals and guys who sit on that throne of mondo yuck.
So how is it manly to remove one's self from the danger of such a device? I can see some lumber jack looking guy wrestle a bear, jump in front of a speeding train and even accept the intimate affections of one Ms. Paris Hilton and despite the amount of laughter this imagined man throws in the face of all things danger he will only stand to urinate. Afraid, or unwilling to place his rusty chewbacca buns of the porcelain pungee pit of a toilet residing just beyond his bedroom.
Based on this, and my inability to bungee jump or sky dive, strictly based on limited funding, when I need a good dose of danger, I squat on the pot and take that leak to a whole new level. Bam! It's potty time.