In case you didn't plan for 2009

Well, the world didn't explode on New Year's Eve so you're stuck living another year. What now?
First things first; you have to decide whether you want to world to explode or if you are willing to compromise, perhaps enter couples counseling with the planet. Not a cheap option but solutions to massive problems often come at equally enormous costs and or consequences. The rest is easy.
So if you really want the world to go boom you ought to look deep inside yourself to discern the root of this potential terrorist temper tantrum.
- Does your job have you howling at the moon? Try a career change. Look for something to fit your strengths. If you have a nice butt you should investigate a career as a professional athlete on account of all the tush touching those folks accomplish. If you enjoy sitting around without the verbs associated with doing so called stuff you might be suited for a journey into the far reaches of space as an astronaut or a life of politics. Both jobs require you to take up space and deal with thinking inside a vacuum. However, under no circumstances should you look to a life of crime to solve your issues. If you want the world to explode you obviously have difficulties with authority. Crime typically puts you in the cross hairs of many folks wielding that same authority that you probably loathe day in and day out. Sure that bank heist will get your picture on TV and chicks dig ski masks when you say please but if you meet a nice girl you aren't going to be able to go out to eat and then she will get bored and you'll want to break up with her or cut one of her arms off and practice her nagging technique while starring into the mirror and listening to some swanky Shakira remix boldly shouting in Spanish about the empowerment of the ovaries or something. Don't be that guy. That's just weird.
Speaking of relationships, perhaps it is your lack of love life getting your buns more burnt than burning with passion. I suggest you try cross dressing. Don't think of it as odd or even as a fetish. instead look at it as an opportunity to be the hero cop on the undercover assignment of a lifetime. You will get to enter the lion's den and escape unscathed all for the price of a little black dress and a pair of pumps from an Amazon woman's shoe store. think of the secrets you could uncover. The friendships. The hours spent understanding the jokes on Lifetime. True if your buddies catch you suicide will probably be your first thought but that's no good either. Instead, turn the tables, use your acquired cross dressing skills to hit on and embarrass your inconsiderate and unruly friends. On the other hand you may find cross dressing to be an enjoyable activity. One that will become a hobby. If you want to world to explode you need a hobby.
Perhaps you're too fat. You want the world to collapse, not from the gravity of your weight but because of the weight on your chest, the emotions you keep inside due to the unending stares you receive at the eyes of judgemental twigs and teenagers acting tough for girls they will only ruin for nicer guys. You should skip all the dieting and workout plans. Try this: punch people in the face early and egregiously. If done correctly people will become intimidated and eventually fear you. Your influence will grow until many people are scared of you, perhaps willing to do your bidding. At that time your weight will no longer be an issue, and if someone wishes to make it such you can have them tickled until he or she urinates in his or her trousers and then you can mock them until they kill themselves out of shame or they are forced to call home and ask their parents to retrieve a fresh pair of pants. Of course if you don't punch correctly you will often find yourself running from stronger and tougher people. In this case the running will no doubt make you lose some of the weight. If you simply cannot run, it may be that hiding is your best bet. If this occurs don't fret, the CIA and other government agencies are always on the lookout for stealthy individuals to perform acts of secret daring-do around the globe and sometimes right down the street. Fat people can be super spies too. They just don't get as much hot intercourse and martini action as James Bond.
if you are just an angry person may we suggest you find a more creative means of expressing your rage? Wanting to blow up the world is a rather vague hostility. Specificity can help to eliminate ambiguity and allow for better circulation as well as increased relaxation. Example: "I want to blow up Mars." WRONG. "I want to eliminate the birdhouse in my backyard because the chirping gives me headaches and then the voices get so loud I can't listen to my Yanni records." Correct. Another alternative is to harm plants rather than people or animals. They are easier to replenish when compared to people or small pets and best of all no one asks suspicious questions which can lead to visits from law enforcement officers. Pulling the leaves off of a plant after a hard day is acceptable, pulling the arms off of a child is not. Plants don't need to carry lunch pails to school or write sentences 100 times when they misbehave. Another incentive is the baffled looks that police profilers will be left with when they find your dismembered plant collection after you snap. Whole chapters in books will be dedicated to your new and eccentric behavior. You can be famous without ever having to deal with the Earth suddenly bursting into flames and jumping into the sun to put itself out.
So consider your options, and remember, it's only February so it can get a lot worse. But until it does, try some of these suggestions.